Sunday, January 21, 2018

Paleo Protein Powder Saves Lives

I raced off the plane, or maybe this is better described as my heart raced as I imagined dodging and running past all of the other passengers who were casually strolling off the plane (It was the same feeling as when you are in a race corral or packed into any line). I finally got off and I speed walked/ ran towards what I thought was the right direction which equaled following the masses. I made it to the first desk and the lines were obscene. Jo said she heard there were shorter lines at another desk so one of her daughters, Jovani and I took off in that direction (there would be a lot of running today). 

Yes! A shorter line that moved. Jerry and his family and Jo and the rest of her family joined us quickly. We had WhatsApp’d to let them know. 45 min later Jo was through, she and her family were walked away by a representative. They would make it home on Christmas Eve. Jovani and I were next. Then prayer hour happened. Then the desk closed permanently. We were told to find another. We had waited for 2 hours. 

Off we went to the next desk, by this time the lines were terrifying. Jovani and I got in two different lines to better our odds. His was moving more quickly so I joined him grabbing some water and apple juice from a table set up by Emirates on the way. 

Jerry had decided to go rogue and he went to the front of the handicap line armed with 2 yo Jake and his car seat. He was rebooked instantly (which I think is due to Jake, not that it was the handicap line). Seeing this a woman from Nigeria lost it which resulted in her passport being taken and being escorted away by security guards. Two more people would lose their passports in the next 5 hours. Yes that is right I would be in line for 5 more hours.  

The guys in front of Jovani and I were from the UK. There were 5 of them and they were headed to Bangkok for a boys trip (I think that is international travel code for “ask no more questions”). They were hilarious and also taking turns to smoke in the bathroom. Together we decided to rope off all the other lines because people were just walking up to the front of the empty ones. Having not eaten at this point in over 14 hours I decided to search my bag for something edible and found 2 packs of protein powder (one was a bone broth turmeric and gross Kelly. Why would you buy that? It was an easy choice).  

The line crawled forward as flights continued to fill with repeated disappearances from the whole desk at prayer hour (which I guess should be expected, but was so frustrating) and many times in between (Maybe they were using the meal vouchers we didn’t have??). The couple in back of us from the Netherlands finally got through on their iPad to a Emirates Chat person who rebooked them.  They passed their iPad around (mine wouldn’t connect) and rebooked others but were told to stay in line to get print outs and meal vouchers. The chat guy couldn’t rebook me. There were no flights for days. 

Jovani was off to Cape Town and I had finally made it to the front. I was told there was nothing for 2 to even 4 days and even then nothing on Emirates. I stood my ground despite the ticket agent and my phone repeatedly texting about too much data use and kayaked and skyscannered. I asked to be put on multiple flights but no dice. In a Hail Mary move I randomly asked to be put on the British guys’s flight to Yangzhou and it worked. On that flight I would arrive only 24 hours late. I had been in line for 7.5 hours. I got my meal voucher and decided not to change terminals to China Southern just yet. I had 6 hours until I needed to board. 

I did what I was too worried to do earlier in the day. I went through Emirates security and decided to go to the gate and see if I can stand by for the last flight of the day which was delayed (so no one was there). I had 40 min. I walked out of the gate area with a man and his wife also trying to stand by, and saw men with VIP guest assistance tags (one of them was extremely handsome). He was also the only one not talking to anyone. I told him my story. It went like this. 
“Hi! How are you? My name is Kelly. I was wondering if you could help me. I have been traveling for 24 hours. I haven’t eaten. I haven’t slept. I stood in 3 lines before I made it to the front. They say there are no flights, so I am being rerouted to China. I have no bags to check, it is just me, and would love to get on this flight if possible.” 
His reply: “Come back in 30 min. I will help you.” (He was a confirmed knight in shining armor. I may have seen a light halo around him and heard music swell.). 

I made the obvious and only decision that could be made at that moment: find a lounge to pee in (thus avoiding holes in the ground) and grab a snack (Thanks Priority Pass!) and to buy mascara (obviously). I did the latter first. No I did not apply it. There was no time for that, I had to get back to the gate, maybe I was just more beautiful as soon as I owned it? 

Back at the gate there were a few more people, but it still wasn’t open (delayed again). My new friends from Kuala Lumpur were also back. A new family arrived and told us they were just confirmed on the flight. Off we raced back to the ticket counter (which was now almost empty and 0.5 miles away. At the end of the day I would have walked and run a total of 6 miles around this airport). 

Again I was at the front of the line, being told yes there were seats on the flight. No he could not change it. He barely had the last line out of his mouth before I was running back to the gate . Man my bag felt heavy and I was sweating. Through security I flew back to the gate. They were boarding. 

I found myself at the beginning of yet another line, this time with a crying Malaysian woman. In sum, as far as I could tell between sobs, it was the end of the world if she didn’t get on this flight. The ticket agent was ignoring her. He looked at my ticket and told me, the same thing: Yes there were seats. No he would not change me. While standing there, I had seen him add several people to the flight. I had only one thought,  “Must find VIP in shining armor”.   I sprinted towards where I had last seen him. 

He was there. I ran to him. He turned. Light illuminated him. Okay that didn’t happen. I did run and he did turn probably because he heard me barreling down on him and was frightened. I looked at him and said: “Thereareseatsontheflightandthegateagentsayshecan’tchangeme. Please help me.” 

“Follow me.” I did. He went straight to the front. Rapid Arabic and gestures followed. Two minutes later, he looked at me and said, “It is done. Enjoy your flight.” 

As waves of emotion go from a classy, adult, calm confident smile of thanks to throwing confetti while jumping up and down squealing and hugging a muslim man and crying, it took a lot to do the former (I would have rumpled his suit and I thankfully I didn’t have confetti). I could only contain myself so much so I told the gate agent I wanted to hug him.  It turns out he is likely 2017’s international award for “Clear Nonverbal Responses”. Which in this case was “Don’t do that.” I settled for bouncing up and down and squeaking and texting everyone I thought would care. He gave the crying woman and her young son boarding passes first (I was relieved. She was breaking.) and then gave me one. I thanked him in every language I could think of and ran towards the pre-boarding area, where I found my 10 new boarding gate friends. There were smiles and cheers. It was a legitimate celebration. It is amazing the places pure joy happens and how often we have the same experience. It had been a long day. We had all made it. 

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