I smell like warthog and DEET

It was another early morning as I was up at 4 am to get to the airport to catch my flight. I ubered to the airport and immediately become super thankful the woman at the hotel desk had reminded me to do online check in. Cape Town's airport is a happening place at 500 am all the stores are open, the lines are long, and people are awake. I dig it.  The flight to Johannesburg was quick but somehow they still managed to serve breakfast. I didn't eat the mushroom and cheese omelet because I had my left over veggie sandwich from before which was a nice escape from the land of protein that I have been surrounded by. 

The Johannesburg airport was large and initially confusing to navigate. Entrance into the international terminal was pretty easy though. This time I got eye contact and a stamp. The flight to Victoria Falls was under an hour and again the managed in turbulence, complicated rush to throw out lunch to the entire plane. If you hesitated on your choice of beef vs vegetable curry like the poor French couple beside me you lost or won depending on your evaluation of the food. On the flight I met a self described "strapping young lad" from the Midwest who now lives in DC. He is on a two week whirlwind of Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia and South Africa inspired by a $400 RT flight he randomly happened upon from Dulles. We decided that we would visit the falls together after we got settled into our respective hotels. This was great news for me because I had been told to avoid things completely by myself if at all possible (although it turned out the falls would have been perfectly fine. It was nice to have company.).

Customs in Zimbabwe was interesting. On their entrance form it asked how much cash you had immediately available on your person. Ryan nor I filled this out because HELLO. No. I snooped at others forms and we were the only ones who didn't fill in a number.  Even more shocking people had written outrageously high numbers. We resolved that if they made us we were going to put $100. We agreed that it felt good to know that neither of the first two guys in the immigration situation would text a buddy to put a mugging hit on us. There were so many more lucrative targets. 

Ok so first guy: random dude not in uniform standing in the middle of the hall before the ramp. He basically just looked at your passport stamps, stared at you briefly, then looked at your passport stamps again. 

2nd guy also known as red pen guy. He marked red slashes all through your customs form without any real direction. I watched him do several. Everyone's was different like fingerprints if you will. He also asked if you would like double or single entry and did not indicate that on your form. 

3rd and 4th guy: 3rd guy took your Visa money ($45 for double entry) after also asking single or double entry. If you were American he asked who you voted for. "I wanted Hillary Clinton to win, not that comedian." 4th guy put the Visa in your passport and asked me why I looked so happy. Because I am in Zimbabwe seemed like an inappropriate answer, so I said because it is a good day. He sighed and tssked. This whole process took an hour and a half. 

My bag which had been checked, much to my displeasure, had been opened despite its lock and its bag Feng Shui destroyed (I will also accept it being called the carry on of miracles because I am still proud). This time all of its contents were intact (Hooray for underwear. Air Asia has 1.5 years later still not responded to my claim). 

Exiting the airport, I briefly bargained for transport to my hotel (shockingly the ride I had booked in Johannesburg was not there. 5 hours notice is apparently not enough in Zimbabwe.). On the way into town the driver stopped at a local booking place (Wild Horizons) so I could book a swim in Devil's Pool. This is one of the activities that fills the fastest and Ryan told me weeks ago there were very limited spots. I was able to book it for later in the week.  As I exited the booking office I was approached (picture a young man barreling towards me while yelling "Hey madame!") and asked to buy Zimbabwean dollars for 10 dollars. First of all the irony of selling one's own currency for another currency is stark. It is also depressing.  Initially their money was subject to above average inflation. This was then followed by hyperinflation which ended in bills up to $100 trillion dollars (they initially started with $1 units). The currency was then abandoned in April of 2009 and then officially demonetized in 2015. They currently are unable to withdraw more than $100 a day because the banks do not have the money and I have been told by multiple people that no one deposits into the banks they keep all of their cash hidden in their homes. 

The hotel as we approached was out of a movie set: warthogs and guinea fowl grazing on the lawn, thatched roofs, and dramatic decor all over looking the national park's watering hole. I COULD SEE ELEPHANTS FROM MY ROOM'S BALCONY!!!  I was and still am in my own personal fairytale. I never wanted to be a princess, but I did dream of adventure and discovering places like this half believing they were only fantasy. 

As soon as I got there, Ryan had already messaged to go meet at the falls. I asked at the desk when the shuttle left and they told me that I had 10 min. I flew to my hotel room and kicked out the poor porter telling him I would find him at the front. He gave me a quick tour of my room which included the request to keep the door to the balcony shut and the deck chair cushions inside when I was not using them, "because the monkeys are a menace." I then changed, grabbed what I thought I might need and sprinted to the entrance just in time to tip the porter and hop on the shuttle bus. 

I arrived at the Falls and was waiting for Ryan when a woman asked if she could take a picture with me. This was followed by another and another and then another. I

Then I started being asked by the men.  I estimate that around 200 pictures were taken. I was extremely thankful when Ryan arrived. There is power in being a 6'5 dude and trickle down power in being the person who is accompanied by one. 

The Falls also known as Mosi-oa-Tanya (The Smoke that Thunders) were nothing short of spectacular. They are on the Zambezi river at the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe and are one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the world.

It is neither the highest nor the widest waterfall in the world but it is classified as the largest based on the combination of the two (this may be controversial, I will let you know when I visit Iguazu Falls). Over the last 100,000 years the falls have been moving upstream and they have projected the next site of the falls and that it will occur in about 10,000 years.  The falls were marked on a map showing trade routes as early as 1715 and David Livingstone would follow these routes 140 years later to be the first European to see the falls which he named for his queen.

We spent 2 hours at the falls and then decided we would go to Boma at the Safari Lodge for dinner. It is a traditional African feast and drum show.

We watched the sunset over elephants and the watering hole for happy hour and then went to the dinner where we were adorned with colorful sarongs and face paint. Dinner was a buffet style and I ate way way way too much. I was asked to ditch my trip plans and instead return to a town 300 miles south of here with a guy I met in one of the lines. It wasn't a bad offer considering he would later win the dance contest.

Of the food the warthog was my favorite, seasoned and cooked to perfection (sorry Pumba).  We also both at worms and got certificates (It is also good to achieve things.). After dinner the drum show began which we all participated in. Everyone at dinner is given their own drums and instructions throughout the show on what to drum. We both drummed furiously. It was so much fun. By the end of the evening I was happy and stuffed with tingly hands that were a beautiful reminder of all the day had held.