I Gave It My All and Finally Hit the Wall

... going full speed ahead.

Sunset yoga seemed like an amazing way to start a marathon weekend. It was. An acai bowl post yoga? YESSSSS! I didn't end up getting my acai bowl or any dinner for that matter, and water? none of that either. Instead I ended up waiting for the police to come because my car was hit and run.  This is an important part of the story and the beginning of an even more important lesson. The police were thorough but I got home late. I found myself packing in a rush and only getting 4 hours of sleep before I got up to head to the airport.

The flight was uneventful. So was the train into SF. Breakfast was good. The ride to Santa Rosa was nice. Lunch and Dinner and Breakfast would turn out not to be enough.


Mile 22.6, I felt tired. My feet felt hot. I was questioning ever running another marathon and that is the last thing I remember until I woke up my head in some strange man's lap with 4 other faces peering at me.
What year is it?
I don't know.
Well give us an answer.
I did. I don't know. I would be guessing.
What day is it?
I don't know. Its the weekend. Other than that I would be guessing.
Where are you?
Santa Rosa (relief. I finally got one right).
Who is the president?
Obama. That question doesn't count. I just moved from DC.
What is your new address?
That question isn't fair. I just moved.
Do you know who you asked us to call?
(Arrrrgggghhh) I don't remember talking.
How long was I out?
20 minutes when we found you. We don't know how long before.
How long was I talking?
15 minutes or so after the initial 20.
Before this?
Yes.
Where am I?
Mile 23.6. You were running a good race.
I think I need to throw up (Enter anti nausea medication).

Begin convulsions and vomiting. That poor extremely attractive medic. Nothing like a chick who throws up on you and then has to be carried away. I apologized to him for being heavy. He told me I wasn't. I find myself wishing this was a college bar story, but it isn't.

It is my first marathon story.

I vaguely remember being wheeled through the course. I don't remember  being put into the ambulance. I asked the woman standing over me if I was going to die when the chest and full body pain began. She told me not in the ambulance. They did an EKG. It was abnormal. I asked her to see it. She told me to relax. I told her I was going to black out. They put me in Trendelenberg (feet up). My vision tunneled and I remember thinking, "The teddy bear taped to the ceiling can't be the last thing I see."  And then I couldn't see the inside of the ambulance any more. My mind was racing through all kinds of places and spaces. I will spare you the details. I also don't remember being pulled out of the ambulance. I came to again in the Emergency Room. I was still getting questions wrong. Crap.

Out of nowhere my friend appeared. The look on her face said most of it. I looked bad and not just because of the twigs and dirt. She squeezed my hand. It was the best hand squeeze in the world. I had past the point of terrified in the ambulance.

It was about that time were the doctor pointed out I was having fasiculations (think face spasms). Fascinations are weird. They are essentially uncontrolled weird face movements. I wasn't a fan. Where is a good med student to teach when you need one? It is at that point were my body cramps became unbearable. I think they repeated the EKG. There were lots of warm blankets. I told them I was going to throw up again. Throwing up at least seemed better than blacking out. I definitely wanted to stay awake.

After that I was thirsty and I desperately wanted to get the taste of second time around gummy gels out of my mouth. I asked if I could drink something. I was told no. Funny how many times I have told patients no to drinking and eating but I would always let them swish out their mouths if they looked trustworthy. Maybe I didn't look trustworthy? Not too long after a nurse brought me ice chips which were the best thing I had ever tasted (eventually that would progress to cranberry juice also the most delicious thing in the entire world at that moment).

My labs returned and were a mostly expected mix of normal and abnormal. Then came the march to discharge.  The conclusion: I had likely just been extremely dehydrated and now after 4 liters of IV fluid I was probably ready to go.
Could I stand? Yes.
Could I pee? Yes.
Ok I could go. (I can see how patient's are sometimes mystified about their release ("I almost died! And you are sending me home?" "Yes ma'am/sir", but at the same time I was REALLY glad to leave).

There have been moments in my life that have been game changers. Things that shifted or revolutionized my entire perspective. This is one of them. Not only did it heighten my respect for the 26.2 that is the marathon, it changed my vision of myself.

A self declared "healthy" person, I have not treated my body super well over the past decade. Sure I eat healthily and work out daily, but that is not enough, not even close. I have kept myself purposely dehydrated because having to go to the bathroom is inconvenient and I never wanted to be perceived as a "slacker" at work: "Where's Kelly?" "She had to go to the bathroom." "Of all the lazy, undedicated things." is how it played out repeatedly in my mind (It sounds ludicrous, unless you have gone through surgical medical training and then it probably sounds normal). I have kept going in everything. I don't stop, always thinking I would sleep later, I would eat later, I would rest later, I would cry later. People needed me at work, at home, in life.

However, the thing I have missed is I needed me. I wasn't paying attention to my own "most important" advice. Countless times I have told people and patients and patient's families "Just like the flight attendants tell you in the safety instruction before take off: "If at any time during this flight the cabin loses pressure and the oxygen masks fall from the ceiling, place the mask on yourself first before assisting others." Take care of yourself first", I say. "You are no good to anyone if you aren't healthy."

Sometimes life has to slap you in the face. Other times life has to face palm you while repeatedly punching you in the gut followed by doing a Riverdance on your fallen body. If it is the latter you might have asked for it. For me it is time to pay attention.

People have asked if I am going to do another marathon. Even the ER doctor who saw me suggested I come back next year and qualify then. For the time being, I am done with marathons. I would rather learn to be wholly healthy, treat myself physically and mentally well, and chase some other dreams.